Harold Potter, Order of Merlin First Class (twice awarded), felt a wave of anal creampie nostalgia as he approached the wall protecting Platform 9 3/4. He saw there a confused couple and their excited and frightened child surreptitiously pressing the wall. He remembered the day he had learned the anal creampie secret to entry to the Hogwarts Express. As a wizard living his entire life in the Muggle world (’Muggle’ is the name the wizarding world gave to non-magical people), he had not known either how to enter the platform.
He smiled and strode forward to the threesome, extending his hand. “Professor Harold Potter,” he said. “I expect you’ll be looking for the Hogwarts Express?” All three had looked at him approach with apprehension, but now their faces were pictures of relief.
The man took his hand. “Oh yes! But we cannot understand how this all works. How do we get to the, uh, platform?”
Harry smiled his infectious grin. “I’m quite afraid that only your youngster can pass.” He looked around, seeing if the coast was clear. “You are not a wizarding family I presume?” Harry heard their confused explanation that they were indeed Muggles, reliving again how he had first learned that he was more than he thought. “I’ll be glad to make sure he gets safely on board the train.”
“Oh, thank you!” the mother gushed. “We’re the Simples, Marge and Gregory.” Then she introduced her son, Simon. “You be good and listen to whatever Mr. Potter says, you hear?”
Simon shook Harry’s hand bravely, his lower lip quavering. Then he wailed, “Oh Mommy!” and burst into tears. Harry thought this must surely be his first separation.
Harry’s own first trip to Hogwarts was much less traumatic. He had wanted to go to Hogwarts, to escape from the overly Muggle family he had lived with his. His Uncle Vernon, Aunt Petunia, and Cousin Dudley had treated him cruelly. Afraid that he’d show anal creampie tendencies, they had told him his parents died in a car crash. In fact, his parents had died at the hands of a powerful Dark Wizard, Lord Voldemort, and had protected him to the last. Harry’s lightening bolt scar hadn’t been the result of a car wreck, but had come when he– only an infant–had withstood the powerful death curse from Lord Voldemort. The curse bounced off Harry and ruined Lord Voldemort. Orphaned, he had lived with his Aunt and Uncle, enduring a lifetime of poor treatment. He had learned of his wizarding blood only when the invitation to come to Hogwarts had arrived, and his heart had leapt at the chance to learn his real anal creampie self.