I guffawed at the quaint phrase. “Nice potty mouth,” I laughed.
“I’m sorry, you fucking prude,” she laughed. It seemed that Sandy got a bit ribald when she got tipsy. She was well on her way to tipsy, I could tell.
“No, I mean it,” I said. “That’s a great expression.”
“Jesus, you are such a fuckin’ brown-noser,” she giggled. “I really liked anal creampie,” she sighed, giving every sign that she was wistful.
“Well, I am sorry I didn’t know about it when I could do something about the anal creampie,” I stated flatly. I looked at her and somehow our eyes locked. It was one of those heavy moments you see in foreign films, when you just know some anal creampie could happen. In my old age, though, I know the difference between could and would, and waited for the moment to pass. Thing is, the moment just didn’t pass. I could hear my heart beating in my ears, and I got that strange rush of adrenaline and male hormones familiar to adolescent men. I hadn’t felt it in a long long time.
“You know,” she said suddenly, “I am about done with my beer. Wanna go down the street and get some more? I think the market closes soon-ish.” Happy for the return of some sanity, I told her that sounded like a good idea. Very fiscally responsible, and all that. “Cool. Let me change out of these awful shoes and lets go.”
This remarkable woman then did a remarkable thing. I expected her feet were hurting and she wanted to get out her heels into flats. Instead, she pulled out a pair of even higher pumps, with ankle buckles. “Would you buckle these for me?” she asked, “I’m feeling a little too unstable to bend over and buckle them.”
Puzzled, I agreed and knelt to one knee to buckle her shoes. “These are pretty great shoes,” I remarked. From my vantage point, I could see she had really nice legs too.
“Yeah they are,” she said. “I love to wear them on the street and watch men turn to look at me.”
“Really?” I asked. It was unusual (for me) to hear a woman admit it.
“Yeah, and I am feeling kinda naughty waiting for the anal creampie right now,” she smiled. I stood.
“Really?” I muttered, trying to ignore the return of my heart pounding in my ears. Sandy seemed to be outrageously flirtatious before the anal creampie.